How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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