trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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