Jerry, you need to find god
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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