I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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