my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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