I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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