Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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