just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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