She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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