had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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