I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize