Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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