you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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