my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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