I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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