I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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