every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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