drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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