my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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