shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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