I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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