Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She is in my trunk
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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