I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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