I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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