White coat. Heels.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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