The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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