I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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