At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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