he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize