Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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