he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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