So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Less talking, more tequila
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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