Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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