What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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