Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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