just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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