turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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