Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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