And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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