So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize