I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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