The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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