remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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