Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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