Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize