Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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