Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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