Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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