Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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