Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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